WOOF.

MOVIE SCOOP: For Thy Love, by Smart Cookie

GENRE: Drama

SYNOPSIS: A story about the search for love in all the wrong places. When Belinda decides to leave her boyfriend after tolerating five years of sexual frustration, she falls straight into the arms of a smooth operator who works as a trainer at the gym. She thinks she's landed in paradise but it all turns to hell when he reveals his shady sexual lifestyle - and doles out more than she can handle. Now her search for love and adventure has taken an ominous turn that will change her forever.

REVIEW: This movie is a combination of an Uncut video and a chitlin circuit play. However, I enjoyed this movie for it's irony. Trust me, you won't be prepared for the ending. This movie sheds light on the stereotypical "nice guy" and leads the viewer to question the idea of forgiveness. Though the film tends to border between low budget and home video, it's lack of funding works in it's favor. This movie is good to watch on a Saturday, after you've finished cleaning your house or running a few weekend errands. Not too sure if the guys would enjoy this one, they are bound to yell a couple of "fuck that's" or "hell naw's", but I, myself had that reaction on a few parts as well. Needless to say this movie will cause some debate amongst your crew. A decent movie at least sparks up conversation and this film leaves a lot to be discussed.

I was able to find this DVD in Walmart, but you can purchase it for around 15 bucks on www.image-entertainment.com, or even check Amazon.

Black Power, by Smart Cookie

Black History Month has begun, so get ready for the cheesy Coca Cola commericals, the McDonald's tribute to Martin Luther King, and the occasional Black History Month Stamp. We all know that "our" month doesn't get the proper attention. But we promise to give this month the attention it deserves. I'll kick it off with a little history...

WEEKLY WORD: MURSE

MURSE - A man purse. They are usually in the form of a fancy messenger bag, a planner, or an oversized "wallet". The perfect accessory for the extra metro...not really. If your man is carrying a murse, you might want to make sure he isn't going to dark alleys at night to snuggle with Tyrone. Any man carrying a murse is questionable. Unless openly gay, most murse carriers deny the fact that what they are carrying resembles a purse, and will use such a line as, "I have too many things to carry".

Ex. Steve attempted to pass his murse for a planner, but planners don't have compartments for your keys and cologne.

I'm 2 Grown 4 Games...SIKE!, by Pistachio

Last night I was harassed in the internet crack house...MySpace. Yes, I'm addicted like everyone else, and it's beyond a guilty pleasure. All of us are guilty of putting our best foot forward on our pages, boasting about our "achievements", both personal and professional. The former hamburger flippers are now party promoters, and former hoes are now "models". Former fat asses and fugs send you friend requests for "Look at me now bitch" purposes, and the snooty suburbanites set their profiles to private. There are also the Miss Jenkins', the anonymous floaters without profile pictures who just want to get the inside scoop. Every other hour they're online, hanging out of their imaginary windows to confirm the juicy gossip. And how can I forget the Z-list rappers? Quick to put flyers in your comments and quick to upload their demos. MySpace should really be more selective on who gets a Music page. And lastly, you have the thirsty guys looking for MySpace Jump Offs.

Now let me get back to my harassed on the internet story....

Last night I logged on with the intention of changing my layout and checking my messages. Much to my surprise I found a message with the subject line reading, "Bitch". Slightly amused, yet slightly irritated, I opened the message, which read as follows:

Bitch,

Why the fuck is ___________ in your top ate? You ain't even cute.


Ate? My point exactly. Being the mature woman that I am, I should've just ignored the message. For one thing the guy that she was referring to is simply a college buddy. Secondly, I don't pick fights with those who have learning disabilities. But I'm only 23 and have room to make mistakes, plus she basically called me fugly, so I responded:

Bitch,

Instead of keeping tabs on me, you need to be getting a hot oil treatment for that broom. Is your mother a scarecrow? ________ and I went to S-C-H-O-O-L together. Maybe you should consider going....application deadlines are usually around February "ate".


I didn't receive a response, and I don't plan on it. I did, however, make a point to tell __________ to check his hoe. Girls, it's time to get more sophisticated with how you are trying to catch your man up. Get his password and work with concrete evidence. Don't just attack random women.

I think I have found my new anthem...

The Last Word: ASSumptions, by Chocolate Therapy

You know, it’s funny…it seems that the people who know the least about a subject are the most outspoken. Now don’t get me wrong, I have strong opinions about many issues, but when you talk about my period you are entering “No Man’s Land” (literally). Guys, especially guys in their 20’s, think they somehow have a wealth of knowledge that no one else has figured out yet, and constantly feel the need to let everyone know how things should be. Well, I’m going to let you guys in on a secret: You are not doing/saying anything that hasn’t been done before. With that being said, why do you guys always feel the need to challenge Mother Nature? Things have been this way for years, and you just can’t grasp a simple concept. Listed below are my Points to Ponder…

1. If a female is using her period as an excuse not to mess around, take that as a hint. Either she doesn’t like you or she is messing around with someone else. Stop trying to track when her next cycle is and focus on why she don’t want your ass!


2. Just because you had Biology class doesn’t mean a thing. When I was in high school, most of the guys were too worried about the girl sitting next to them to even pay attention to what the teacher was saying. Most science books are written by men anyways, and last time I checked men don’t have periods. That’s like me writing a book on jock itch!


3. My period won’t mess up your day if you would just stay out of my way. If you know I’m going to be in a bad mood why even talk to me? Why would you say “Guess what!! I found $20 today!” when you know I have been lying in the bed trying to fight cramps and bloating. My response is likely to be a piercing, “are you kidding me?” stare or a chide remark. Save your good news for when I tell you I am hungry and would like to go out to dinner.


4. At least a woman president would know how to express her emotions better than previous president’s have. Men always try to play hardball. Just tell the other person how you feel, plain and simple, and there will be no need to try to decipher silly “man laws.” And hey, what better time to do it than when it’s that time of the month? The emotions will be raw and honest, so there will be no need to request clarity.


5. When was the last time you were unable to fit the pants you wore last week due to involuntary weight gain (and no, beer bellies do not count)? When was the last time you had uncontrollable cravings for sweets or your stomach cramped up so bad that you could hardly walk? Yeah…that’s what I thought. All guys have to worry about is hereditary baldness and putting on clean underwear daily…and sometimes you can’t even do that!

Guys, we are tired of you making ASSumptions on how we are supposed to act and feel. It only happens once a month, so just deal with it. Either stay out of our way or sit there in complete silence. Anything you say can or will be used against you when the crimson tide is over.

HIS TWO CENTS: Periods...Stop Using Them As Excuses

Ladies,

There are so many times when we just wonder what's going on in the heads of the opposite sex. We find ourselves over analyzing in many situations, which inevitably leads us to make assumptions on the male perspective. Assume no more! This year we are going to give you "His Two Cents", which will feature a blurb, interview, article, etc. from an anonymous male. Let me just warn you now...the topics are very controversial and are bound to cause some serious debates. And we encourage you to respond...you know a Black woman always get's the last word. With that said let the games begin...

PERIODS...STOP USING THEM AS EXCUSES...Written By Anthony
My friends and I were doing our usual roasting of each other last week, when we randomly start discussing how girls try to milk the shit out of their periods and use them as an excuse for everything. It makes no damn sense; every time something goes wrong a lot of females will blame it on their "Michael Redd" (inside joke). While a lot of females say we don’t try to understand them during this 5-7 day process, just hear us out for a min...

Points to ponder

1) C'mon it’s just a period, it can’t be that bad...S.A. Davis just had a period last week, and it didn’t even slow him down. You all act like nuclear warfare just bust out all in your insides. Relax Grasshopper!

2) Ladies, we went through biology too, that shit aint lasting as long as you try to make it out to be. Be a woman and just tell the guy you don’t want to sleep with him...

3) Do not use the period as an excuse that you can’t do nothing sexual. Are you bleeding out your mouth? No, that’s what I thought, SET OUT THAT AWESOME JAWSOME!

4) Your period should not mess up my good day! If I got a promotion to work, found $20 in my pocket, or someone saved my life, don’t bring my high down with your bitching and moaning. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

5) This is why the WNBA playoffs last no longer than three games a series! Could you imagine game 7 and Lisa Leslie couldn’t play due to that time of the month...plain foolishness...

6) This also the reason why we probably couldn’t have a woman president. She would be signing peace treaties with everybody off emotion, or start war, cause another president called her fat!

Some of these things were serious, some were jokes. I would like to hear everyone’s comments on this, guys don’t be scared, this is an issue that we all talk about! Ladies especially, I’ll probably get cussed out in 3 languages but so what! Holla at me!

Email: Contact@threescoopsonline.com

If Looks Could Kill...

SHEEEEE'S BAAAAACK! Congrats go out to Serena Williams for quite frankly, whoopin' some serious ass last night at the Australian Open. She easily won her third trophy 6-1, 6-2. Her snooty opponent, Sharapova really didn't stand a chance from jump, but after hitting Serena with an overhead in the first set, she was doomed for failure. You don't hit a black woman and get away with it! Serena proceeded to paint the lines with fireballs; Sharapova couldn't even get her racquet on the ball...She was swinging at air.

Serena started the tournament lookin' a bit rusty, but she came through when it counted most. Kudos to the first black woman to dominate the tennis game while wearing a Nike booty dress. Also if you were able to peep her warmup attire, you should have notice that Serena has a Nike Big Body Bag! Unfortuantely, the Nike bag isn't for sale, but you can scoop up her tennis dress for $100. And guess what? The dress is called the 'Serena Disruptive Dress', lol, go figure.

GO SERENA!

Status Check, by Smart Cookie

In my younger years I was quite the Tomboy. I wouldn't be caught dead carrying a purse of any kind. Well, I did get caught up in the ever so popular Coach wallet phase of the 90's, but take notation of the the word, 'wallet'. Now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I've come to realize that I have more than a divalicious liking toward huge purses. Fashionable, overly large purses portruding with a Scoops daily essentials (cell phone, Ipod, Carmex, lotion, etc.) just reeks of status and importance. Here in Scoopsville, large purses are known as "Big Bodies". Just like when your parents take the big body car to church or special events, the big body bag lives by the same rules. The big body serves so many purposes it's ridiculous, here are a few:

1. No matter how busted you are looking on a lazy Saturday, i.e., your favorite raggedy sweats and head scarf, as long as you throw on your big body you can walk into any store looking like a star.

2. You never have to buy overpriced popcorn and snacks at the movies ever again! Big bodies allow you to damn near fit a Foreman grill inside, so you can stop by your nearest corner store and stuff your favorite movie goodies into the bag and have a feast on the cheap.

3. If any snobby store attendant tries to get snippy with you as if you can't afford something, all you have to do is use your big body as leverage and say,"B--- did you happen to glance at this bag I'm carrying? I can buy you and this raggedy ass store!" Indeed, you may only have enough money to buy a small fry on the dollar menu, but who'd ever guess?

4. Random unwanted encounters. Dammit, here comes Aquanetta, the gossip queen from your old high school. Luckily, you just came from the hair salon and you are carrying your big purse. Now the only gossip that Aquanetta can relay is,"Dang, gurrrl, I saw so and so in the store and she was looking like a kept woman. She must be dating a drug dealer or something." Now, Who doesn't want that kinda gossip?

Ok, now that you've completed Big Body Bag 101, here are a few cute purses that I've recently come across. Right now, I'm feelin' satchel style bags. Satchels are classy and sophistcated, perfect for the 20-somethin' year old. Let's start with the DKNY Mixed Media Satchel, priced at $160 (Shown at the top of page). This bag is precious. It will make for a good business meeting purse. Throw this bag on with a nice pant suit and heels and you will walk into the office looking like the HBIC.

If you are the HBIC and makin' major paper, scoop up the MICHAEL, by Michael Kors Harness Flannel Satchel priced at $398. Me being fairly (smirk) artistic and not afraid of a little color and preppiness, find this bag to be quite appealing. I think this bag is perfect for the creative director. I understand that everyone doesn't have that salaried job yet, but you can still purchase a big body for cheap. Take for example, the BP Accessory Network 'Erin' Satchel priced at $20. This bag comes in black, red, grey, and patent leather. It's simplistic with a hint of vintage and can easily be spruced up by tying a fancy scarf or sparkly charm around one of the hooks. This is a nice big body for a lightweight, fun outing, like bowling, or a boredom trip to Target.

All of the purses featured in the article can be found on Nordstrom's website. Happy purse shopping!

WEEKLY WORD: HURTIN'

Hurtin: An overwhelming willingness or need to obtain what you want. A deep yearning or eagerness. For maximum effectiveness, hurtin’ should be followed by ass.

Example: Carla’s hurtin’ ass couldn’t wait till dinner.

Happy belated Birthday, Martin!

I know you are thinking, "How in the hell did they miss Martin Luther King's birthday?" I know, I know, it's a damn shame, but we've been busy. Anyway, I hope everyone celebrated the occasion by doing something meaningful and productive. And I don't mean sleeping in and watching Maury's millionth paternity test show. I'm sure Martin wouldn't approve of such of thing, just watch the following clip! Enjoy!

Tech Scoop: Have a Flashback, by Buttercup

Last week I came to a revelation: Ms. PacMan is a bitch.

My younger brother and his friends had gotten in the habit of chillin' at my new crib to use their Xbox and Playstation on my new Plasma. And I’m sure any coherent female can guess what game they play...that damn Madden. I really don't understand how guys can play the same game over and over again, with the same enthusiasm they had when they first purchased it. I attempted at living out the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them", but with my video game console experience consisting of the Atari 7800 and Nintendo, I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing. I remember laughing hysterically when my mother made her first attempt at Super Mario Bros. Like most parents who are not tech-savvy, she thought if she turned her body to the right, as she held the controller, Mario would magically mimic her movements. Well, somehow, I must've caught the "grownup disease" because I was totally clueless with that stupid football game. My brother and his friends laughed and laughed, and I admit, I was a little embarrassed, but they were clearly in MY house, on MY television, and they would not get the best of me...I had a plan.

My brother and his crew of dimwits were constantly talking about how easy the old video games were. But, from my memory, the majority of those who beat Super Mario had a Game Genie, and I have yet to meet someone who has beaten Donkey Kong. Which got me to thinking, "hmmmm....All that trash talk and I bet their dumbasses can't even play Atari". Immediately, I jetted to my parents house and rummaged through some old boxes in the basement. I finally found my old Atari with a variety of games. After taking me nearly a century to figure out how to hook up my Atari to a brand new television, I was ready to brush up on my skills. At least I thought I was ready until I realized that I had to blow on the cartridges like 20 times until I could get the it to work, but after more than a little dust, things worked out. And like I predicted...the games were impossible. One of my girls mentioned how hard Ms. Pac Man was, but hard was an understatement. Ms. Pac Man had me cussin' out her and every single ghost on the screen. "Run BITCH!" I repeatedly screamed as I was tempted to bust out with a 2-year old tantrum. I then became obssesed and determined to outsmart "the man" also known as the computer. All this led to an addiction and I eventually tried out all of my old games. The old Atari is back and is the new crack...Hell to the naw!


With my new habit, my brother came over like usual, but things would be different. After calling my games everything from A-tracks to hockey pucks, I finally challenged my brother and his friends to a game of football....Atari football. And guess what? I got in that ass like toilet paper! And I realized that these poor children are being too spoiled by these new games. The old games required work. There weren't any fancy controllers...just a joystick with one button, and it was up to you to learn how to maneuver and tap that button to do tricks. There weren't any cheat codes...just three lives and you had better make it work.

Things are much different now. I am a respected video gamer. I taught my brother that, you may be able to beat anyone in the latest Madden, but you really ain't shit if you can't beat something as "easy" as Pac Man. You have to know how to crawl before you can walk.

If you can't dig out your old Atari, you can definitely find the old ones in the original boxes, with many games on Ebay. Or if you would like an improved throwback, then you can visit Atari.com and purchase the Atari Flashback at only $19.99. This is a great toy to have, and you can sit back after work and have a little fun. Also, if you have some disrespectful know-it-all siblings, this is a great lesson teaching tool. Additionally, if you have a boyfriend/husband/etc., use the Atari as a cute bargaining tool. Bet on a game of Donkey Kong or Frogger to get a candlelit dinner, massage, or those cute earrings you've been scopin' out.

Yo, don't sleep on Tetris or Duck Hunt!

Highfalutin Finery, by Coffebean

The manicured hand flossing the engagement ring bling--The Jimmy Choo pumps matched perfectly with the “new money” handbag. Its Sex in the City meets Girlfriends mixed with Beauty Shop, served with a double dose of Toni Childs (Girlfriends). There are no out-dated Jet Magazines. The latest bootleg is not being played. Booster lady and sock man won’t be pedaling their products here.

Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Prada are frequent cohabitants of the women who are serviced by my upscale salon in downtown Chicago. The multi-cultural staff and clientele bring an ambiance to the salon that is not present at the Flare for Hair or the Dominican Hair Emporium. The hair dryers suspended from the ceiling, the hardwood floors, and the exposed duct work let me know that this salon has the potential to be bourgeois-central! The career women, the kept women, and the on the grind women, sashay into this establishment with one point intended, to get their hair done, or is it?

No Applebottom sisters, no do-rag wearing, not even Air Max covered feet. No current gossip, celebrity or personal. A Euro-imported receptionist greets you at the door. It is rigid and stuffy! A rolling of the eyes and a salient snub if you dare enter the salon with your mane tamed by the black woman’s holy grail—the do rag.

Perhaps an idle mind is the devil's playground. But my idleness brought questioning. Questioning about the women who are serviced by this establishment. Is there an unspoken assumption that only a “certain” type of black woman can patron this salon? The college educated women, the women who married up, the women who are successful in their careers. Yes, the salon will impress you with the speedy-individualized service (even on a Saturday). Not to mention, the possibility to network with other career women. The salon has a Who’s Who clientele—another bragging point to mention to ones pretentious and snobbish acquaintances. Some women come for the service, some for the status. Snooty, stuck-up, supercilious: It is a premier salon that yields outstanding results and retains a clientele of women with questionable motives for patronage.

Two Weeks Later,

Two weeks later I am back. It’s a brutal 15 degree December Day in Chicago. I pull out my one of a kind, floor length, great coat. I stuff my black leather mini-pumps into my bag and race out of the door with by Black Gucci clinging to my free arm. Its salon day and it has taken more time than normal to get ready. As I race out of the house, I question myself; am I becoming one of those women I am writing about?

mmmmm....good, by Smart Cookie

I'm currently in Chicago for my break, and ofcourse my trip wouldn't be complete without a 5 piece with mild sauce from Harold's...

Can I Getcha Number? by Pistachio

It's a typical Saturday night at the club. I'm enjoying my overpriced martini when the most hideous creature sits right next to me. A total fug...a fuzzy three-week old cornroll havin', old spice stankin', cat daddy suit and fake bling wearin' fug. Ofcourse, my girl is a few feet away talkin' to the fine Metrosexual brotha, and i'm stuck with someones uncle. I purposely try to act uninterested, but the shit doesn't work, and a funky mix of dookie breath and Winterfresh blows in my direction as he says,"Hey there, can I have your number?" Unfortunately, it's not as easy to say no as you would think. I could bluntly say "no", and risk getting cursed out and embarrassed. Guys are startin' to get straight ignant when it comes to rejection, talkin' bout, "You uppity bitch! I ain't really want yo' number anyway" etc. etc. you catch my drift. Or I could lie and say I have a boyfriend, but ofcourse that doesn't work anymore. Most guys don't even care, and still want your number...damn. Last, but not least, you could always give out a fake number, but now everyone has a damn cell phone, and guys are bold enough to call you right in the club to make sure that you've given out the correct number. And don't get caught up, you will once again be cursed out in the club. Or you have those guys who can't even take a hint, and will actually walk up to you and say, "excuse me, I think you gave me the wrong number" As if the shit was an accident...what a dumbass. But girlies, there is a God. There is someting calleld a rejction hotline, 617-861-3962. You simply give out this number instead of your own, and later on at night when the fug tries to give you a call, he will hear a humorous recording stating that you are not interested. For a phone number specific to your area, simply visit http://www.rejectionhotline.com/. This site is crazy too, you can even get business cards made with this number to pass out to fugs! It's pure genius if you ask me! I'm sure with this piece of information your trip to the club this weekend will be a little more enjoyable. Shut 'em down!

WEEKLY WORD: UNPROTECTED SLEEP

1. Unprotected Sleep
Turning off your alarm clock and immediately going back to sleep; risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task.

I'm extremely lucky I didn't miss my meeting this morning after having 30 minutes of Unprotected Sleep.

Rum Raisin Presents: The Razzle Dazzle

Girlies, no more radically druken nights, it's the age of the slow buzz. The Razzle Dazzle allows you to be a little tipsy while keeping the drink tasty.

"Keep it light and you will still enjoy your night"
- said by a drink babysitter

RAZZLE DAZZLE

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups frozen rasberries
1 (12-ounce) can frozen concentrated pink lemonade or rasberry lemonade
1 bottle (750ml) Chardonnay
3 cups lemon lime soda (recommended: Sprite)
1/2 cup Cognac

Directions:
In a large pitcher, combine all ingredients and stir. Refrigerate for 1 hour.

5 means 7, by Merry Cherry

It had been at least 30 minutes and I was still waiting in her driveway. She said that she was walking towards the front door like 20 minutes ago. And she said she would be waiting outside when I called to say I was on my way, like an hour ago. I was just about to lay on the horn when she finally comes out of the house. She’s talking on the cell phone, sippin’ on a Capri Sun, and holdin’ a plate of breakfast wrapped in aluminum foil.

"Look at this bitch," I mumble to myself...I’m pissed.

After hanging up the phone, she says, “Sorry gurrrrl, I couldn’t find anything to wear.” She completely ignores the fact that while she couldn’t find an outfit, she managed to find enough time to cook herself an IHOP breakfast sampler with pancakes. After devouring a piece of bacon she says, “You need to step on it! We are going to be late.” My patience…gone. My stomach grumblin’…since I bypassed cooking myself breakfast so I could be ON TIME. We are stuck in traffic and she is smackin’ on food, telling me how to drive, making radio station demands, and we are clearly going to be late as hell to work. But rather than drop her ass off at the nearest bus station, I take a deep sigh and ask for a hash brown. For she is permanently in the carpool because she is my friend…my triflin’ friend.

We all have one. You gave her your old television for free, and she complains about how small it is. She brings last night’s leftovers to the pot luck. You are in a rush, yet she insists on waiting 30 minutes until the egg roll sample at Sam’s Club is finished cooking. She’ll take a hookup on a VIP pass to any club, even, a 50+ supper club. She’s never been on time in her life, yet the one day you are running a little late, she's majorly bitchin’. Always speaking before thinking, always on CPT, always thirsty for some free shit…She’s your triflin’ friend.

Unfortunately, a “triflin’ friend” is set in their ways for life, and cannot be changed. But there are a few things you can do to avoid the effects of their actions…

5 means 7. If you have to pick her up before you go out, you must tell her to be ready like 2 hours before you need to be at your destination. This way, she can bullshit all day long, but you will still be on time. For a more severe case of CPT, in addition to lying about the time, you must also go inside of her house and wait rather than sit in the car. Now you can see firsthand what she is doing and she has no room to get off track.

Just ask for money and take the initiative. You know she is going to drink a few Corona’s before bringing the 12-pack to the Super Bowl party. So why are you depending on her to get the liquor? You need to just pick up the party stuff yourself and have her give you the money for it. If she also has “never pay you back syndrome”, then you need to get the money up front before you go to the store.

Be selective. Stop taking every flyer that advertises a free party, and don’t lay any coupons or these types of things around in your house or car. Especially the ones that you can really throw in the garbage. You know if she sees it, she is going to want to go. She will want to drive an hour out to get that free 12 oz. drink from select Burger King’s. She will want to use that free pass to the 16 and older club that your younger sister left in the car. If you don’t want to go through the drama, throw that stuff away. Or at least only keep around the things that you wouldn’t mind doing. I’ll drive 15-30 minutes to get my Victoria’s Secret free panty, who wouldn’t? But there’s a fine line between good and bad free stuff.

The triflin’ friend can really work your nerves, but you gotta love ‘em. Just use these tips to get you through the rough times and you should be just fine.

Monday's Reserved, by Smart Cookie

This January brings in fresh new sitcoms and reality shows. Mondays are particularly good because...New York is in the mutha-f*ckin' house! I knew this show would live up to its expectations when the intro included New York lighting a cigarette and moisturizing her ashy legs with Vaseline...pure comedy at its finest. Coffee Bean put me onto New York's mom's bogus weave. Somehow, I didn't notice her invisible hairline. She looks bald, it's a little creepy.

Ofcourse, this show is full of coonery, but it's a Scoops guilty pleasure. You can catch the HBIC on I Love New York at 10/9 c on VH1.

Another decent show is Lincoln Heights on ABC Family. Lincoln Heights is about a young cop and his POSITIVE black family who move back to his old neighborhood to be bombarded with different struggles. This show comes on at 7/6 c and is something you can watch with the entire family.

Immediately after watching a laid-back family sitcom you can test your gay-dar with Lifetimes new game show, Gay, Straight, or Taken? which airs at 8/7 c. In this game, a single woman must go out with three men and figure out which one is gay, straight, and taken. If she is to choose the straight and single man, they will win a trip. However if she choses incorrectly, then man that she mistakenly chooses as straight and single will win the trip for him and his boyfriend/girlfriend. I must admit, I was stumped on a couple of the men. This is a Scoops MUST WATCH. I'm sure many of you have come across a handsome man, but weren't sure if he was gay, straight, or taken. Well, this show will definitely improve your ability to detect the available and straight man. Also, Lifetime airs two different episodes back-t0-back, so you get double the fun trying pick out who's who.

Honorable Mention: Jennifer Lopez is the Executive Producer of MTV's new reality series, Dancelife. This show is basically about real world dancers trying to make it in Hollywood. It Premieres next Monday, Jan. 15th at 10:30/9:30 c. This show looks pretty good, at least good enough to watch as you eat dinner or do some work on the labtop.

WTF: Can anyone tell me what has happened to Girlfriends??? They are showing so many re-runs, I am beginning to believe that they have officially taken the show off air. They really should have taken this show off last season and ended on a good note. However, the reruns are always MUST SEES.

Reserve Monday nights, relax, and have fun!

Put Your Personality on a Diet, by Milky "Weigh"

I'm sure most of us have been on a diet since the "freshman fifteen". When you have to stay up past 11 to do homework, who is really thinking, "Let me grab a broccoli pop to snack on"? With those of us who are working 40 hours a week, and getting home in the late evening, i'm pretty sure no one actually cooks a healthy meal when they walk in the door. Hell, I don't even cook. The domestic gene missed me completely. Despite the slight setbacks, I was able to reach my ideal weight by acquiring a maintainable lifestlye, inclusive of both diet and exercise. Today, I would like to talk about diet.

My friends and I found that certain personality traits of ours were causing us to overeat. So we were able to look at our individual situations and come of with successful ways to change our bad eating habits. Here they are...

1. You are impatient

If you are impatient you are less likely to keep track of what you are eating. As a result, you are probably consuming more than you think. Stop eating dinner while you are talking on the phone, chatting on aol, watching television, and typing a paper. Eat your dinner without distractions and allow yourself to notice when you feel full. How many times have you opened a bag a chips as you were doing other things, and when you finally decided to close the bag, you realized there were only crumbs left? How many of you ate the crumbs and kept it movin'? Slow down! If eating slowly feels awkward, that's proof that you are in some type of hurry or frenzy.

2. You are easily discouraged

I used to have trouble sticking to a diet if I couldn't see measurable results right away. If I was eating Subway, while my friends were eating gyros then I had better see a six-pack forming. To rid myself of that mentality, I started setting small, reachable goals. Rather than telling myself that I could no longer eat fast food, I only allowed myself to have fast food on the weekends. Instead of drinking at least 2 glasses of pop/juice on a daily basis, I vastly increased my water intake. I would require myself to drink a glass of water before I could drink a glass of juice or pop. Small achievements increase your confidence in yourself and motivation. Stop feeling guilty because you cannot eat salad everyday. Start by having a salad twice a week. Start small, and slowly increase the intensity of your diet. You have to create a diet for yourself that is realistic.

3. You are social

My best friend is a social butterfly. But she was relying on food , as well as friends, for comfort, so she would cave in to all of her cravings. If there was a day in which she was bored with nothing to do, she would eat. I have experienced this myself. There's nothing on television on a Saturday, all of your friends are busy, so you are left to sit and channel surf. All of sudden those Twizzlers in the cabinet start calling your name, then the Doritos, then the Sunkist in the fridge, and so on. Keep all of your favorite snacks out of the house, so when you do indulge, you are forced to go to the grocery store. If you have to drive to the gas station, then drive to the grocery store for one measely bag of Doritos, chances are you will just settle for the pretzels in the cabinet.

MOVIE SCOOP: Motives, by Smart Cookie

Have you ever noticed that in most big pictures, there might indeed be a black actor/actress in the film, but they are always the sidekick of the white star actor/actress? They are simply put there to enhance the white character. This is done by some form of degradation of the black character, done by using them for comic relief, the charity case, etc. Case in point: Blood Diamonds, a great film, however, the emphasis is put on Leonardo Di'Caprio. Or, let me bring out some old examples... Let's take a look at Regina King's past roles in Clueless 3, and Miss Congeniality 2. We all know how great an actress Regina King is, however in those films, she is the stereotypical "Angry black woman" used solely to enhance the image of Alicia Silverstone and Sandra Bullock.

How can an African American woman possibly relate to these films? Yeah, there might indeed be an African American actress in the film, but how can we identify with a character that is basically "shuckin' and jivin"?

In some of her previous essays, Bell Hooks, a black feminist and astounding film critic, writes about what she calls the "Oppositional Gaze". To put it simply, the oppositional gaze is when a black woman cannot identify with a film and its characters, and rather than enjoy the film, is forced to look at the film in a critical manner. I don't want to get into psychoanalysis, in which the topic of the oppositional gaze resides but just think about your past experiences at the movies. How did you feel, for example, watching a movie like Monster's Ball versus watching Boomerang? I'm sure when watching Monster's Ball, which was a pretty good film, you were on guard, but when watching Halle in Boomerang, you are able to just relax and enjoy the film.

Every new movie that comes out about African Americans tends to be a little stereotypical and cliché these days...We never get the good romance films, chick flicks, and dramas. With a few exceptions, we seem to be stuck in a rut filled with comedies, inner-city school drama, dance offs, thug life, and musician's biographies. But don't worry, there are a plethora of underground, aka low budget films, as well as old skool films that can fulfill your need for good, entertaining cinema that doesn't play off the stereotypical and/or negative aspects of the black community for the economical gains of the majority.

I, Smart Cookie and Coffee Bean will be giving our movie reviews of films that are on DVD/VHS and available for purchase. I personally like dramas and romance flicks, but Coffee Bean tends to lean toward more historical films. But between the both of us, we guarantee your movie collection will be on point. This brings me to my first movie review: Motives with Shemar Moore and Vivica Fox.

GENRE: Thriller, Drama

PLOT SYNOPSIS: Motives is an edgy thriller that centers around Emery Simms, a highly educated and successful business tycoon who happens to be married to the quintessential wife Constance. Things go dangerously awry when the thrill seeking Emery engages in an adulterous fling with the wildly free-spirited and exotic Allanah. Timing couldn't be any worse when the politics of high society, shady business deals, bad press, and a violent murder collide, they threaten to destroy more than just his shaky marriage. As police probe into his situation, they uncover a labyrinth of deception, agendas and motives, where the stakes are enormous and nothing is what it seems.

REVIEW: This movie offers no easy answers, I'm sure that you will not figure out the plot by the end of the film. So you can tell your one "know it all" friend to shut the hell up, when they are constantly hollering at the end, "I knew it, I knew it, didn't I tell you? Didn’t I tell you?" Yes, we all know how annoying that shit is, however, you can call them on their bullshit, because this one is a rather difficult one to figure out. The movie is a tad bit low budget, but the acting is decent, and you get more than enough eye candy with Shemar Moore. I must also mention the cast is packed with known black actors/actresses. Many don't realize that they are on the hustle and a lot of them turn to the independent black films (just a lil' tidbit). Anyway, you can purchase this DVD for about 12.99 or less if you don't mind a used film at Amazon.com. Or, if you stay in a majority black neighborhood, your local Wal-Mart/Target should have it. Leave the kids at your mom’s; there are a few risky sex scenes. This is a great 4th or 5th date movie, or if you are taken, then watch it with boo. Enjoy!

THROWBACK OF THE DAY: I'm Sick (cough, cough) by Ginger Snap

I knew Friday afternoon that I wasn't going to come into work on Monday. It was just one of those "girl, f*ck that job" moments. For once I wanted to sleep in, watch Oprah in my pj's and relax. The only problem was in figuring out what excuse I was going to use. They were worse than the military at my job. I swear you had to damn near bring in your doctor to the office to validate your absence. My arsenal of lies was running low. My dog died twice, I had a bladder infection, the runs at least three times a month, a sleep walking grandmother, an emotional breakdown every other week, and the only brand new audi on the market that broke down once a month. Needless to say, the people in HR weren't exactly inviting me to their after work socials. With my tank of "good" excuses running on empty, I had to come up with something before Monday.

It was Sunday evening and I was ready to put my plan into action. I was going to pull one of the classics. I was going to call and leave a voicemail on my boss's machine and explain that I was having a severe emergency and would not make it to work the next day. I mean, who in the hell is in the office on a Sunday? My boss would most likely check her messages late Monday evening and not even bother to extensively question me on Tuesday. I would get both documentation that I called in sick and an extra day to come up with a great lie. I dialed the number and waited as the phone rang. All of a sudden I hear, "Hello?" Sh*t, my boss was in the office! I couldn't hang up because we had caller id at work, so I immediately panicked. Word vomit just kept spilling out of my mouth until I became a shoulder to lean on for my friend and co-worker, Tianna who was only skipping work on Monday because she found out that she was pregnant. I was supposedly taking her to the abortion clinic. I was clearly lyin my ass off. Tianna was really going to be out on Monday to close on her new home. She was going to cuss me the hell out on Tuesday, I know that much. All this for one stupid day off. I didn't even enjoy my "sick" day because I was too busy worrying about the altercation that was bound to happen between Tianna and I.

Just as I was drowning my sorrows in a bag of Doritos, my phone rang. It was Tianna. I figured it would be better to get cussed out in the privacy of my own home so I answered. "Hey girl, what's up?" I asked. "Don't play stupid b*tch! You know what's up," Tianna yelled. Ewww, she was pissed. However, I continued to play stupid, "No, I don't know!" "Girrrrl, the boss gave us the week off!", Tianna screamed. "What? Really?" I asked in astonishment. "Yeah, she told me that she once had an abortion in high school and was very understanding of how I must have been feeling. In the process, she said that we could have the day off, since I would need a shoulder to lean on." "So....you aren't angry at me?" "Naw, I was able to peep game, and I ended up telling her that you were really the one who had the abortion. I can't have a lie that drastic trickling down to that fine ass suga daddy lookin brotha in accounting...Shytttt, I'm tryin to get my mortgage paid. Girl, not only did we get some juicy gossip on the boss, but we got a week off! Let's go shopping!"

Despite the fact that I had a stack of counseling pamphlets on my desk the next week, you could say I got off pretty lucky. However, things may not work out so well for you. But there's a solution...There's a new book on the market called "The Sick Day Handbook" by Ellie Bishop. It only costs $10 and I'm sure it will help you out more that I obviously can. However, here's a few helpful tips Tianna, the excuse-ologist gave me.

1. Having a migraine is a good excuse. You don't want to do anything that would take you to the emergency room. Try adding a slew of sent "get well" flowers to your guilty conscious.

2. If you actually have children, go for the "My child is sick" over the "My elderly mother is sick". Kids are often sick so it's believable.

3. Keep the lie simple. Make sure you don't do what I did and take the lie too far. You want to get in and get out. The longer you talk the more questions are to be asked and soon you are having to remember an hour conversation about a rare disease caused by perm.

HAVE FUN ON YOUR DAY OFF!

WOOF.

WEEKLY WORD: SAFETY FLUSH

1. SAFETY FLUSH - The act of a pre-emptive flush of the toilet BEFORE sitting down. Normally to ensure that the toilet will flush when needed and not back up. Usually performed when expecting to do the "number two". A safety flush is crucial if you are visitng someone for the first time at their home.

Ex. Last night I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time and his mom cooked chilli for dinner. It was pretty tasty, but my stomach was trippin'. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed that their toilet was a little raggedy, so I knew I had to do a SAFETY FLUSH before I went to work.

Recipe: Fried Ice Cream, aka brownie points

Hey,

This recipe is guaranteed to get you major brownie points with that potential boo. Your crush is destined to give you a smooch after you serve him this tasty treat.

Ingredients:
2 eggs
Vegetable oil
four scoops vanilla ice cream
cinnamon
sugar
frosted flakes
nuts, pecans, almonds, whatever you like...
whipped cream, cherries, hot fudge

Directions:

Freeze four scoops of ice cream on a baking pan with wax paper for an hour or more, you want to make sure the scoops are nice and firm.

dip ice cream scoops in nuts and put back into the freezer for about 30-45 minutes.

beat 2 eggs, add cinnamon and sugar (about 2 pinches) to crumbled frosted flakes.
Add ice cream scoops to frosted flakes, egg, etc. mixture. MAKE SURE SCOOPS ARE COMPLETELY COVERED WITH FROSTED FLAKES.

Freeze scoops for about an hour.

heat a pot of vegetable oil until it's sizzlin'. throw a bread crumb or something in there to make sure the oil is hot. Dip your prepared scoop of ice cream in there for 30 sec.

Serve on plate with whipped cream, cherries, hot fudge, whatever your boo likes...

Enjoy!!!!!

MEET JAY

Ladies Meet Jay...

Jay holds a bachelor's degree from Augustana College in business management. However, Jay is quite the basketball star and has spent the last two months playing professionally in Fray Bentos, Uruguay. It's not a question that Jay is athletic with an athletic build to match. He loves to workout. Off the court, you can catch Jay reading a novel, or just hanging out with his buddies. Jay is very laid back and just likes to enjoy life.

What does this eligible bachelor find attractive in a woman? No wallflowers, girls...Jay really loves women who can dance, and can have a good time on the dancefloor. Confidence is key when it comes to Jay's ideal woman. He wants a confident woman who exudes femininity. After a hard day at practice, Jay is also looking for a woman who isn't afraid to spoil her man with an occasional back rub. If you snag a date with this handsome caramel cutie, expect to have a fun time bowling on a double date, or just chillin' with his closest friends and family. While Jay is a romantic, he doesn't believe in the cliche dinner and a movie date. He's much more creative, ladies, and he would rather plan a date according to your interests. So, if you enjoy poetry, expect a tailored date by Jay to a nice, candle-lit open mic night.

If you are interested in Jay, Please send your information to us, and we will forward your digits to Jay, and Hook you up!

Email: contact@threescoopsonline.com

THROWBACK OF THE DAY: The Book Scam, by Smart Cookie

At the beginning of the semester, you end up dishing out over $300 for two books. And you are pissed when it's time to sell your textbooks back to the school...the school only gave you back $80. You have been swindled, bamboozled! All colleges and universities over price textbooks and then underpay you for them. So how do you avoid the scam and become a scammer? It's very simple...

DUH! GO TO THE LIBARY

Most school libraries have the ability to get the books that you are looking for from another library. They usually call the process an interlibrary loan. And guess what? You get your textbooks for free! There really isn't a catch. You might have to renew your books from time to time, considering that you will have them the entire semester. If they don't allow you to renew the books, what's ten cents per day that they are late versus $300? Much of nothing. If you get your books through the library, I strongly suggest you do it way in advance of your actual class start date. It can take a while for the books to come into the library, or worse case scenario, the library will be unable to get them. However, if you plan ahead, you still have time to get your books by other means.

Tip: Once you register for classes, go get the required reading lists from the professors that you plan to have. If they are hesitant to give it to you, don't be afraid to tell them that you are tight on money and must know what costs to expect.

BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS ONLINE

Check out websites like Amazon.com and Ebay. You can usually find textbooks and novels at lower prices, and at over 50% off if you purchase them used. Don't be afraid to buy a used book! I have personally purchased numerous used books from Amazon.com that could be mistaken for brand new. If you are purchasing books online, allow yourself one to two weeks for shipping. But don't forget that you can usually get faster shipping for an extra fee.

ASK AROUND

Look for other students who have already taken the courses that you plan to take. They should be more than willing to sell their textbooks to you, unless they are building their own personal library. Depending on when your college or university buys books back, you can even ask the students in line if they have the books that you need. If so, all you have to do is offer them a few bucks more than what the school is willing to offer. I would take $30 over $5 any day! In essence, steal the business from the school, and don't tell them I told you to do so. Keep it on the hush.

Ok, so now you have gotten your textbooks and used them. You are either going to keep them, return them to the library, or sell them. If you decide to sell your books, you can sell them on amazon.com, Ebay, or directly to a student at your school. If you are slick, sometimes you can sell books ordered online back to your college or university, and as a result, you scam the scammer. Revenge is the sweetest thing, but you didn't hear that from me!

THROWBACK OF THE DAY: SEEK AND FIND: 5 PLACES TO FIND A GUY, by Pecan Perfection

Ladies, I hate to say but yes, it’s come to this. We can no longer wait for a man to approach us, sweep us off our feet and have instant thoughts that he is the man of our dreams. It’s time to turn the other cheek and just as you would seek advice for that perfect job, try these places to seek or at find least a guy…well he may not be perfect, an NBA player but damn let’s hope he at least has a car.

Pick #1 Home Depot

Well, well, well, I thought I was creative here but after doing a little research seems like some of you have been on this seek-out for a minute. In my opinion it’s still a good seek out why: because it has manly things, stuff that we women could care less about. The hammers, the power-tools, building supplies; your conscious should scream: “ THESE MEN HERE MUST BE GREAT WITH HANDS.” Yippie! In addition some perks for us ladies is that this place does have a Garden Center and paint colors that are made by clothing designers like Ralph Lauren’s, sweatshirt gray, and scholar green. C’mon I know you’ve been dying to re-decorate your bathroom.

Pros: Visiting the garden center won’t make it look too obvious that you’re on a manhunt.
Cons: Since the men that frequent Home Depot are obviously on a mission to get things they really need, like a front door or some wood…chances are they may not look their best. So, be prepared for MAN X who has a lawn mowing service to approach you and smell like grass and manure.
Outfit suggestions: Unwrap your hair, throw on a little lip-gloss, hoop earrings, cute sneakers and a form fitting sweat-suit.

2nd Pick – Car Wash, Oil Change Places

I’m thinking along the line of Jiffy Lube, All Tune-lube . Please disregard that fact that’s probably what your body needs at the moment. When your car has hit that 3-month time frame look in Sunday’s paper cut the coupons for oil-changes and carwashes $$$$$money saving tip$$$$$ and handle your business. Also use same approach when going to get your car wash. Note: any car wash that bears the name of a street 79th street car wash is bound to have men galore. Extra tip- If it’s a self-serve car wash, pack your own supplies i.e. Towels, armor oil, air fresheners, the men may see that you are really into cleaning your car and possibly try to borrow some of your stuff. Hint* If they are cute share…if not tell them to get lost and get their own…

Pros: Men love doing preventive maintenance and making sure that their Rims are shiny.
Cons: Squeegee man may approach you or the guy with the raggedy whip.
Outfit Choice: Fitted jeans, cute sneakers, shirt that shows cleavage, hoodie. If it’s summer replace cute sneakers with flat thong sandals. Make sure those toes are presentable.

3rd pick – Grown Men’s Basketball League

When I was in a so-called relationship, my ex-would have basketball games 3 days out of the week. While picking him up, I couldn’t help but to notice the extra-hotness’ giving my ex a dap and as I sat their wondering how come I’d never seen him before. The Grown Men’s league, (please refer to yellow pages or your city’s internet page on park’s and recreation for the actual name) is held inside a gym, but on extremely hot days they take it to the outside basketball court, and …as an added bonus some of the guys actually take off their shirts. YUMMY! It’s kind of cute to see these most of these men still have a child-hood ambition of wanting to “Be Like Mike.”

Pros: Most recreational centers offer yoga, aerobics, dance, ceramics and even cooking classes. Please I repeat: Get involved in one of these activities so that you don’t seem like a DBW… desperate black woman.
Cons: When you’re coming out of that aerobics class please pack a stick of deodorant in your bag…you wouldn’t want to finally nab the cutie and he notices a stench that’s not fresh.
Outfit Choice: Casual clothing is okay since you’ll probably only see each other in passing, make sure though the casual clothing is something memorable like cute baseball cap and or nice hoodie.

4th Pick – Kenneth Cole Shoe Store

I am getting specific because if I said “The Mall” well you already know the mall harbors teenagers, baby mamas, and gangsta wannabes, but Kenneth Cole, ahh…there’s a certain clientele that shops here. Men with money & style. The average shoe, accessory, blazer or pair of cuff links starts at $50.00.

Pros: They have women’s clothing & shoes
Cons: A lot of gay-men shop here so beware of Down low Brothers, but know how to flip that con into a pro, a gay friend can turn into a great stylist.
Outfit Choice: Rip The Runway… Wear an accessory that screams: Notice Me Damnit!

5th Pick – Community Service Organizations, Career Oriented Organizations, Social Change Organizations

Community service organizations allow you to do something for the benefit of others and it’s a great opportunity for you to meet men who obviously have the same interest as you. Every city has community service organizations. Career Oriented Organizations such as NABJ (that’s if you’re into journalism) not only allow you to explore and network with men in your field, but they also hold these cool conventions were you can meet other people in various cities. Social Change Organizations such as Urban League, and your local chapter of NAACP are also places that you meet men, and it will allow you to work with them to fulfill another common goal other than sex.

Pros: I stress, that most of the men in these organizations may be established and it’s likely you will have very intellectual conversations
Cons: Watch out for those that are too militant and learn to detect bullshitters especially if you think they’re bluffing on their credentials.
Outfit Choice: Business Chic. Cute button-ups, flare leg trousers, blazers and here’s where you bust out with the pumps and banging’ handbag.

In no way am I saying that you will be able to find your dream guy… it’s time we try different approaches to meet and greet rather than going to the club or local bar every week. It’s worth a try.