The Last Word: ASSumptions, by Chocolate Therapy

You know, it’s funny…it seems that the people who know the least about a subject are the most outspoken. Now don’t get me wrong, I have strong opinions about many issues, but when you talk about my period you are entering “No Man’s Land” (literally). Guys, especially guys in their 20’s, think they somehow have a wealth of knowledge that no one else has figured out yet, and constantly feel the need to let everyone know how things should be. Well, I’m going to let you guys in on a secret: You are not doing/saying anything that hasn’t been done before. With that being said, why do you guys always feel the need to challenge Mother Nature? Things have been this way for years, and you just can’t grasp a simple concept. Listed below are my Points to Ponder…

1. If a female is using her period as an excuse not to mess around, take that as a hint. Either she doesn’t like you or she is messing around with someone else. Stop trying to track when her next cycle is and focus on why she don’t want your ass!


2. Just because you had Biology class doesn’t mean a thing. When I was in high school, most of the guys were too worried about the girl sitting next to them to even pay attention to what the teacher was saying. Most science books are written by men anyways, and last time I checked men don’t have periods. That’s like me writing a book on jock itch!


3. My period won’t mess up your day if you would just stay out of my way. If you know I’m going to be in a bad mood why even talk to me? Why would you say “Guess what!! I found $20 today!” when you know I have been lying in the bed trying to fight cramps and bloating. My response is likely to be a piercing, “are you kidding me?” stare or a chide remark. Save your good news for when I tell you I am hungry and would like to go out to dinner.


4. At least a woman president would know how to express her emotions better than previous president’s have. Men always try to play hardball. Just tell the other person how you feel, plain and simple, and there will be no need to try to decipher silly “man laws.” And hey, what better time to do it than when it’s that time of the month? The emotions will be raw and honest, so there will be no need to request clarity.


5. When was the last time you were unable to fit the pants you wore last week due to involuntary weight gain (and no, beer bellies do not count)? When was the last time you had uncontrollable cravings for sweets or your stomach cramped up so bad that you could hardly walk? Yeah…that’s what I thought. All guys have to worry about is hereditary baldness and putting on clean underwear daily…and sometimes you can’t even do that!

Guys, we are tired of you making ASSumptions on how we are supposed to act and feel. It only happens once a month, so just deal with it. Either stay out of our way or sit there in complete silence. Anything you say can or will be used against you when the crimson tide is over.