I'm 2 Grown 4 Games...SIKE!, by Pistachio

Last night I was harassed in the internet crack house...MySpace. Yes, I'm addicted like everyone else, and it's beyond a guilty pleasure. All of us are guilty of putting our best foot forward on our pages, boasting about our "achievements", both personal and professional. The former hamburger flippers are now party promoters, and former hoes are now "models". Former fat asses and fugs send you friend requests for "Look at me now bitch" purposes, and the snooty suburbanites set their profiles to private. There are also the Miss Jenkins', the anonymous floaters without profile pictures who just want to get the inside scoop. Every other hour they're online, hanging out of their imaginary windows to confirm the juicy gossip. And how can I forget the Z-list rappers? Quick to put flyers in your comments and quick to upload their demos. MySpace should really be more selective on who gets a Music page. And lastly, you have the thirsty guys looking for MySpace Jump Offs.

Now let me get back to my harassed on the internet story....

Last night I logged on with the intention of changing my layout and checking my messages. Much to my surprise I found a message with the subject line reading, "Bitch". Slightly amused, yet slightly irritated, I opened the message, which read as follows:

Bitch,

Why the fuck is ___________ in your top ate? You ain't even cute.


Ate? My point exactly. Being the mature woman that I am, I should've just ignored the message. For one thing the guy that she was referring to is simply a college buddy. Secondly, I don't pick fights with those who have learning disabilities. But I'm only 23 and have room to make mistakes, plus she basically called me fugly, so I responded:

Bitch,

Instead of keeping tabs on me, you need to be getting a hot oil treatment for that broom. Is your mother a scarecrow? ________ and I went to S-C-H-O-O-L together. Maybe you should consider going....application deadlines are usually around February "ate".


I didn't receive a response, and I don't plan on it. I did, however, make a point to tell __________ to check his hoe. Girls, it's time to get more sophisticated with how you are trying to catch your man up. Get his password and work with concrete evidence. Don't just attack random women.

I think I have found my new anthem...