THROWBACK OF THE DAY: THE ONE NOTCH THEORY, by Hot Chocolate

My girls and I are constantly talking about whether we will every find true love and happiness. Well, the future isn't looking to bright to be honest. The pickings are slim to none, and you have to hit the lotto to come across an elgible hot commodity. However there are some secrets to success: The One Notch Theory of Relationship Success.

Here is how it works. Every person's thrown into the dating pool can be rated from one to ten. This rating isn't just your looks, but the whole package: Intelligence, accomplishments, fitness level (man boobs equals a 3 point deduction), transportation, etc. you get the point. The idead is that if your say, a seven, you will not feel satisfied unless you find someone who is exactly one notch better than you are, an eight. The catch is that the other person has to feel that being with you is also a step up. So the next time you are out recruiting, scope a brother out, and ask yourself two questions: "Is he an upgrade? Am I an upgrade?" If the answer to both is yes, then you might be a perfect match. Basically everyone is looking for the next best thing. Don't front, you know if you are a seven, and you found a six, you will still have your eye out for that eight or above. I know it sounds really superficial, but who are we kidding, most are attracted to those who appear to be unattainable.

However, the real secret is in how to delude the unattainable into thinking that they've hit the dating jackpot with you. For example, say you've met a handsome seven. And you are a seven who would've been a eight if only you know how to cook. Then, you want to pull the ol' FAKE AND BAKE, ladies, you should know this one...Have mom come over early in the day to throw down in the kitchen, or even get some shit catered. Later on that night, put the food on your own dishes and spruce it up with some garnishings and serve it to your date, as if you just got done slaving in the kitchen. Your perfect eight will get the illusion that you are a cookin' seven, when you are really a frozen dinner six. Hey you gotta do what you gotta do. You never know when you will come across those seven and aboves, and you can't let them slip out of your hands. I am going to write a sequel to this article, giving some of the major tricks of the trade on how to delude the perfect 10's, lol. to be continuted...