THROWBACK OF THE DAY: Learning to Love a Fug, by Merry Cherry

Fug - A person who is fuckin ugly.

Have you ever come across those odd couples that just make you do a triple take? A very beautiful woman holding hands with a damn wilderbeast, just triggers your gag reflexes. You immediately think that the fug either has an attractive lifestyle or is a guru in bed. I personally couldn't even bring myself to kiss a wilderbeast, but that's another issue. Anyways, so many times you try to convince yourself that you only care about a man's personality, but who are you really trying to fool? You are only fooling yourself. You and I both know that you would take a dumb, broke and triflin' Boris Kodjoe look alike over a sweet and successful Flava Flav look alike, ANYDAY. But somehow a few fugs manage to slip through the cracks. How is this possible? How do you learn to love a fug? I will tell you.

Several months ago, I found myself in an off and on relationship with my Kryptonite. Every woman has one. You know, that man who is triflin' as hell, but yet you can't leave him alone. He can lie, he can cheat, but yet has this special "mojo" that intoxicates you, making you lose all common sense. He's the one who your friends constantly complain about. He's your drunk phone call. Yes, indeed, I was dating my kryptonite.

While I was in this bad relationship, I happened to work with this guy who had been trying to date me since college. He was a fug in my eyes...short as hell, crooked teeth, and an avid wearer of Fubu. Yet there was something about his persistance that was quite intriguing. He would stop by my cubical and give me compliments. Compliments turned into quick conversations. Quick conversations turned into me venting to him about my horrible boyfriend. I was using him as my therapist until one day I finally accepted his invitation to dinner. That night, I was hoping my boyfriend would do something that would make me change my mind about going on the date. But ofcourse, he disappointed me once again. He was out "club promoting", as usual and had no time to spend with me that night. So I went out with the fug. I was expecting him to show up like he had just jumped out of the Staci Adams clearance rack, when my doorbell rang. "Damn!", I said as I opened the door. I could'nt even hold in my thoughts. He cleaned up nice! Yeah, he was still short, and yeah, he still had crooked ass teeth, but everything else was on point. Hair was lined up, outfit was hot, shoes were nice, cologne was smellin' good. I had no complaints. I immediately saw his potential. I could upgrade this fug. After practically breaking his neck to open every door for me, we arrived at the restaraunt. It was breathtaking. He had made reservations and everything. I couldn't had asked for a more perfect time. Then came the true test...the arrival of the bill. Now if I was with my boyfriend I would have been letting him "hold down a couple of bills" until we got home. And ofcourse I would never get it back. But things were much different with this guy. After reaching for my purse to go dutch, he immediately pushed my hand away, as if I had just insulted him. Yesss...there is a God. After my date with the fug, which I will now call Brian, I was seriously questioning the relationship that I was in. Would I rather stay with a man that was extremely attractive, but was making me feel unhappy, or a man that had potential who treating me like a queen? It's easy to fix crooked teeth, but nearly impossible to turn a hoe into a husband. I broke up with my boyfriend and gave Brian a chance.

I've been dating Brian for over 5 months now, and i've never felt better. I've never been this content with a relationship. Brian is no longer a fug, better yet, he was never a fug. In all actuality, I was the fug, in that I was too superficial and self-conscious to give a good man a chance. I would have preferred my friends complain about my man's actions rather than his looks. The situation with Brian made me take a good look at myself. After deep reflection and a good self-evaluation, I realized that my own lack of confidence was causing superficiality, and ultimately affecting my perception of what a good man was.

A few fugs manage to slip through the cracks. How do you learn to love a fug? Easy, just learn to love yourself first.