THROWBACK OF THE DAY: The case of the ex, by Butterscotch

It seems to be a generational thing, but why do women try to be friends with their ex's? At work last week, the older women were saying that having friendly ex's must be a "new thang", because in their day, you changed your number, moved to the other side of town, and switched up your whole routine after a break up. Once you and your ex broke up, it would be "Chuck who?" But now for some reason, us younger women tend to think that we can still be friends with our ex's: ex-boyfriends, ex-booty calls, ex-whatever. So I must ask, is your ex a friend or foe? Unfortunately, I think we all know the answer, but why is it so hard to let go? In no way am I suggesting that your ex has to become your worst enemy, but an effort to become friends with an ex usually just ends up in disaster. You end up comparing yourself to every new woman in his life, while plotting every woman's sweetest revenge: For your ex to realize that he has made a mistake in breaking up with you, cheating on you, not wanting a serious relationship with you, etc. Whatever the case may be, you want him to feel as if no other woman can compare to you. So what do you do? Despite the fact that you are now "friends", you find yourself still sleeping with him, which results in you catching old feelings and still wanting him to act like he's your man. Most of the time you are just waiting for him to have regrets, but what happens when there are no regrets? He's now happy and content with his new life that only includes you as his "friend", while you continue to let yourself hurt because you are hoping for something that's not going to happen. Even if you no longer have feelings for your ex, I highly recommend that you examine if your ex is even friend material. A lot of my ex's had no understanding of the word honesty, so how could we possibly have a true friendship if they're bound to lie about something as little as the color of their socks? Therefore, my advice is to go cold turkey, completely ditch the ex until you have given yourself ample time to reflect on your past relationship and relinquish any old feelings before you consider your ex worthy of being a friend (look at old photos, cry a lil' bit, get pissed, rip up the photos, etc.). If you've gotten over your ex, and you truly feel as if you and your ex can maintain a healthy friendship, then go ahead, make your ex one of your best buddies. But be cautious, make sure that you aren't liable to fall back into your "old routine" because you WILL NOT be fully capable of receiving the new cutie who wants to be your man AND friend, if you are carrying old baggage.